Almost Losing my 1 year-old to a Traumatic Brain Injury
"Chloe is at the ER. They will be getting in touch with you. I'm in the back of a cop car being taken under custody. Kaitlyn, they think I abused your daughter! I'm freaking out!"
August 28th, 2013, 5:38pm.
I almost lost my daughter and my friend almost went to jail
It all started at 4:35pm.
I turned to my husband and said with a chuckle, "Oh Tina is overreacting again. Chloe fell trying to climb her pantry so Tina was freaking out and asked if I wanted her to bring Chloe to the ER".
Everyone has that person in their life that overreacts to pretty much everything in life.
That was this friend.
My husband and I were traveling from Colorado Springs to Grand Junction, CO to speak that evening and we left our wobbly-walking 11 month old with this close friend. If there was any friend who over baby-proofed her house from top to bottom, she was the one. Outlet protectors in every outlet, baby gates blocking the stairs top and bottom. Drawer clamps on all the kitchen cupboards to prevent the baby from opening. We knew she would be in good hands.
Upon our arrival in Grand Junction, we relaxed at a Chipotle to prepare our notes and grab a bite to eat. And that’s when we received the text from Tina (not her real name for the sake of concealing her identity).
"Chloe is at the ER. They will be getting in touch with you. I'm in the back of a cop car being taken under custody. Kaitlyn, they think I abused your daughter! I'm freaking out!"
5:38pm
I could feel my throat tighten, heart race, and adrenaline rush through my body. I was in shock.
Fighting back immediate tears, struggling over the lump in my throat, I was barely able to utter "Oh my God, Chloe is in the ER." to my husband, Clint.
I called the hospital.
"Yes, Mrs. Fix, your daughter is awake and was just taken back for a CT scan. We think she might have a subdural hematoma but we will call you back as soon as the doctor looks at the scan." nonchalantly explains the RN.
Though I was clueless regarding the medical terms, I could tell it was serious. I was unable to process it and ask any useful questions, so I just thanked her and hung up the phone.
We took off, racing back to Colorado Springs, a 5 to 6 hour trip over the Rockies, trying to digest what we just learned while also making several phone calls to find a last minute fill-in speaker for the event that evening.
Another hour went by.
Still no news from the hospital.
We stopped to go to the bathroom at a gas station in Glenwood Springs. We were about to go into spotty cell signal, so I decided to call the hospital again.
"Hello? Yes, Mrs. Fix, your daughter is currently in emergency surgery. She has a subdural hematoma which is bleeding of the brain. The pediatric neurosurgeon will go in through her soft spot since it has not closed up yet and drain out the blood. She is currently in critical condition."
Critical condition.
That’s all that rang through my head.
Critical condition.
7:00pm -- 4 hours from the Springs
I hung up and started sobbing. Not just a few tears. The hyperventilating sobbing type.
There I was, in the middle of the grungy gas station convenience store. My husband walked out of the bathroom, saw me, and wrapped his arms around me and asked what the new update was. I explained what I could and that she was in critical condition.
Those words haunted me.
I think every parents’ greatest fear is losing their child.
It was 13 days until her 1st birthday. We couldn't lose her. Not now.
I cried out to God, I pleaded with Him to help Chloe come out of this alright -- to keep her alive.
4 hours seemed like an eternity.
Silently we sat and drove on.
We prayed.
11:00pm
We couldn’t get up to the PICU fast enough.
The smell of the sterile hospital elicited an indescribable nervousness.
By the time we saw her, Chloe was sedated and out of surgery. The nurse informed us it was a "successful" surgery, but the days ahead would show how successful it was or if there was any brain damage.
The sight of her laying there motionless with bruises on her face from the fall was too much. All my heart wanted was to rock her, but she was in baby jail. A hospital crib, but with sides that extend far above the average person's head. I reached in, touching her hand, hoping somehow she could feel that I was there.
What happened next was a miracle.
Over the next 4 days she recovered quickly -- walking around, playing, eating, no more swelling and no more bleeding.
Hallelujah!
On day 5, my birthday, we got to go home!
This will forever be my favorite birthday gift.
More time spent with her, more life to be lived!
Why it was all a blessing
Many times in life when traumatic events happen to us, we overreact. We shift our life to avoid the potential of more pain, even though it was an isolated event. Life isn't meant to be lived in fear of what might happen -- trying to avoid all risk.
We could have lived in fear of leaving our kids again.
But we refuse to live a life ruled by fear.
We knew this was an isolated event -- an accident.
We continued to live our life, leaving our kids in the trusted care of family or friends knowing we were blessed that we gained this perspective.
If you haven’t encountered a traumatic event in your life yet, you will. Swinging the pendulum to the extreme opposite side of your situation doesn't create a life balanced with peace, joy and adventure.
“The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect.” Peter A. Levine
Fear is not your friend after trauma. Don't run from your fears. Face them.
Lastly, live in a manner that, when you look back on life, you are proud of the adventurous, abundant life you've lived.
That's where you will find us.
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